make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
