He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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