Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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