It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
