Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
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Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Your penis caused this!
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