Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
