he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize