Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
