I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
