you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
