i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
