youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize