She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
you inspire me to be a worse person
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
