So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
