I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
