dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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