O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
