I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
