Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize