Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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