Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
