I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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