i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
