you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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