I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
