do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
