He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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