I'm really into asian looking animals
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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