God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
