So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
