it wasn't lemon gatorade
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
