I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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