i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
