im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
