garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Dear god my vagina.
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