I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
