No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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