I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Randomize
