maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
