its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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