i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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