oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
