Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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