the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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