Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
