I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
