My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
