took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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