I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
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I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
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Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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