Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
