I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
