are you so shy because you have an std?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
