I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I have post one night stand depression
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