Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
