Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
