If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
