The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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