Buhtt sex?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
