you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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