dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
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the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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