Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
