I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
