We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
