I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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