"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
