Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We need a shit load of segways right now
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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