He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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