if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
