that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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