I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
